EKC Roundtable: Helping Kids Manage Anger in a New Environment
We often talk about how hard moves can be—and for good reason. But expat kids in new environments often experience much more than we realize. And a new environment doesn’t have to be a move; it can be anything from travel, to a new school year, a different classroom, a relative’s home, or starting on a new team.
If a child has a hard time with change, these transitions can bring strong emotions. A situation that seems exciting or temporary for an adult can be confusing or overwhelming for their kids. And when kids don’t yet have the language to describe these feelings, anger is what shows on the surface. A child who slams a door, refuses to participate, lashes out at siblings, or throws a toy may not be “misbehaving” so much as reacting to stress.
At EKC, we work with a ton of expat parents in the Hague and Amsterdam area who see this in their children. This week, we held a Roundtable discussion about how to best support kids during periods of adjustment. Let’s talk about some practical ways to respond to anger so we can help our kids adapt to new environments—and not feel alone while we do.
Predictability Helps Children Feel Safer
When kids come into an unfamiliar setting, much of their usual sense of control disappears. Suddenly, they don’t know what’s coming next, or what’s expected of them, and they don’t know how long any of this will last. This uncertainty can easily turn into frustration.
Karolina started our talk by bringing up the importance of predictability and consistency for kids during these moments. Even small pieces of information can help children feel more settled. A short heads-up before a transition can make a big difference. Saying, “after five more times on the slide, we’re leaving the park,” or “after dinner we’ll get ready for bed” helps a child mentally prepare for that next step. Without the warning, a sudden demand can feel abrupt and unfair.
Kids who struggle with change often react strongly when something happens quickly or without explanation. It makes sense—it would feel the same away for an adult who’s suddenly taken from one task to another without warning. Planning a concrete amount of time before the transition lets their brain shift from one activity to the next without as much stress.
Clear expectations also offer predictability and reduce stress. If your child’s starting a new activity, you can explain what it might look like ahead of time. For example, you might say something like “You’ll be in the class for half an hour. That’s three Blueys. There will be a teacher and a group of kids your age. First, you’ll do a warm-up and then you’ll play a game.”
When kids know what to expect, the situation becomes less intimidating. And when you break a large unit of time into something more familiar, like the length of a favorite show or activity, it becomes more concrete.
Start With Empathy
When a child reacts with anger, parents often feel pressure to correct the behavior immediately. While boundaries are important, starting with empathy can change the tone of the entire interaction.
Kate explained that children adjust more easily when we acknowledge their emotions first. We’re showing them that we’re understanding, rather than judging. You might try saying something like “It seems like today was really frustrating.” “I can see that you’re angry. New things can feel really hard.” “That situation surprised you, didn’t it?” Statements like this don’t excuse harmful behavior; they recognize the emotional response behind it.
Think of a child who refuses to enter a new classroom and begins shouting. A response focused only on discipline can escalate the situation, causing more stress—not only about the new environment, but about disappointing you, too. Instead, try an empathetic response: “I know that this classroom is new and that can feel uncomfortable. Let’s take a minute together.”
Karolina mentions that this is a great time to co-regulate, a process where parents help children calm down by staying emotionally steady themselves. Young children often cannot calm their bodies on their own yet. They borrow that calm from the adults around them. Co-regulation can look very simple: taking slow breaths while sitting together, holding hands while they settle down, speaking in a quiet voice.
These small actions signal safety to a child’s nervous system. Over time, children begin to learn how to calm themselves by copying these patterns.
Empathy also teaches kids an important skill: how to name and better understand their emotions. Over time, children who hear these responses start to use similar language themselves. Instead of yelling or throwing, they might start saying something like “I’m really frustrated right now.” This is a huge step in moving away from the anger and into new habits.
Curiosity About What Your Child Needs
Adam encouraged parents to approach these moments with curiosity rather than assumption. When your kid’s reacting strongly, the behavior is usually a signal that there’s something underneath that needs attention. Instead of asking, “how do I stop my kid’s bad behavior?” it can help to ask, “what does my child need right now?”
Sometimes the need is connection. A child might feel overwhelmed by a new environment and want reassurance. Other times, the need is a break—especially if the situation involves noise, crowds, or social pressure.
Being emotionally available helps your kids feel supported while they adjust. You don’t have to do anything spectacular; it’s more a matter of sitting nearby or offering a hug. Just staying present can help your child feel less alone.
Adam also spoke about the importance of making expectations clear. Children often feel calmer when they know what behavior is expected and what will happen next. Anger itself is normal and feeling angry isn’t wrong. The focus is more about how anger is expressed. Try saying something like “you’re allowed to feel angry, but we cannot hit people. Let’s find another way to get that anger out.”
Helping children safely release anger can prevent it from turning aggressive or destructive. Some kids respond well to physical outlets, while others prefer creative ones:
Punching a pillow
Stomping their feet on the ground
Squeezing a stress ball
Drawing what made them angry
Dancing
Popping bubble wrap
Molding clay or playdoh
For younger children, turning these ideas into a playful “anger routine” can help: “jump three big jumps, take a deep breath and blow it out, and then tell me what happened.” Having a strategy on hand can give anger a safe direction instead of trying to suppress it.
Keeping Space for Joy and Connection
During periods of change, families often focus heavily on solving problems or managing tough moments. Christina reminded us that positive experiences are just as important during adjustment.
It makes sense: kids who are coping with unfamiliar environments benefit from moments that feel comfortable and enjoyable. Doing activities they loved before the change can provide a sense of stability. If a child enjoyed baking cookies every weekend before starting a new school, continuing that activity can be grounding. It shows that while some things are different, other parts of life remain the same.
Quality time doesn’t have to be elaborate; it’s all about attention and connection. You could play a favorite board game together or watch a movie your child loves. Try to incorporate some outside time: take a walk while talking about your day. Even reading a bedtime story you’ve read a thousand times before helps bring the energy down to calm levels.
Moments like this also give kids the opportunity to talk about their experiences naturally. Sometimes, a child who refuses to discuss school during dinner might open up during a relaxed activity later.
Connection builds emotional safety and when children feel safe with their parents, they’re better able to handle difficult emotions in other environments. Parents play such a powerful role in helping their kids adjust to new experiences. With patience, they gradually learn that new situations feel uncomfortable at first, but they’re capable of adapting one step at a time.
Navigating a Change? EKC is Here to Help.
Expat Kids Club isn’t just for people who live abroad – it’s for anyone who identifies as a current or former expat and needs support, anywhere in the world. We also offer video consults and appointments so our clients can build a stable, trusting relationship with their therapist, no matter where life takes them.
We specialize in helping people navigate new experiences and situations from the universal to the unique. Our mission is to help kids, teens, and families build resiliency, discover their identities and values, and form healthy coping strategies to manage the tough moments.
EKC recognizes the importance of treating the family as a unit, bringing everyone together. We work with an individual approach and a systemic mindset to determine the best through any challenge.
Schedule a call today to speak with one of our therapists and see how we can help your family thrive.