Dear EKC: How Can I Be Hopeful About Change?
Dear EKC,
My family moves a lot and it’s hard. Sometimes it’s to a new country, sometimes just to a new school, but it feels like as soon as I get used to things, something changes again. People keep telling me to be “excited” or “positive about what’s next”, but mostly I feel anxious all the time. Now it’s the new year and people are all excited about more change, different change, with the new start and all.
I just feel sick of it. I’m tired of feeling sick of it. I actually want to feel hopeful. I like the idea of things getting better, or at least different but in a good way. I don’t know how to get there when my body already feels on edge. My stomach hurts and I feel like my brain’s always listing everything that could go wrong. Even when the change is supposed to be good, I still feel weird about it, like I’m waiting for something bad to happen.
I don’t want to be that guy, the guy who’s always stressed about what’s next. How do I start being hopeful about change instead of preparing to hate it?
–Ready for the Worst
Dear Ready,
I’m really glad you wrote in. This is something a lot of teens talk about, especially at the start of the year. There’s so much pressure to “make this year better” and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed with it all. I’m curious, what makes you feel like you actually want or need to be hopeful right now? That question matters, because it tells us something about what you care about and what you’re wishing for, even if it feels far away.
Feeling anxious around change is very common. Change often comes with a lot of unknowns and a lot that you just can’t control. If your nervous system feels better when things are predictable (which is true for many people), even positive changes can bring up anxiety. For a while, things are less predictable, and your body notices that. This means that anxiety does not equal that something bad is about to happen. It often just means, “something is different and I don’t know what to expect yet.”
If you notice anxiety showing up a lot, you can try spending some more time with things that help you feel safe and steady. That might be journaling, playing a game, working on a project, drinking hot chocolate, or calling a friend or family member. Anything that brings you a sense of “feeling like yourself” counts here. The goal is to anchor yourself in the parts of your life that are staying the same, even as others shift.
It can also help to remember that things change all the time, even in small ways. Take a moment to think about changes you’ve already been through that you’re now really glad happened. You didn’t know how they would turn out back then either.
You don’t have to force yourself to feel a certain way. Emotions don’t work like that. What you can do is be curious about them. Try drawing or writing about what you feel anxious about, and then about what you feel more hopeful about—or what you want to feel hopeful about. You can also notice where these feelings show up in your body. These reminders can help you see that there’s more going on inside you than just anxiety, especially when the anxiety feels loud.
And one last thing: when anxiety shows up, it’s okay. You don’t need to feel hopeful or positive instead of anxious. You can feel hopeful and anxious at the same time. You can just notice it and say to yourself, “things are changing, so part of me feels anxious and part of me feels hopeful.” And you can leave it at that.
Anxiety can actually be helpful when it comes and goes. It might push you to prepare for what’s ahead, ask questions, or reach out for support. But if it starts to take up all the space in your head and body, then it can become less helpful. If you feel like that’s what’s happening, our team is here to help you sort through it. You’re not doing anything wrong; you’re paying attention and working to make sense of the world around you. And that already says a lot about who you are as a person.
Take care,
Inka Homanen