What is ACT?: A bit about Acceptance & Commitment Therapy
Acceptance & Commitment Therapy is at the heart of EKC's philosophy of supporting mental health. But, what is it actually? Let’s take a look together at some of the inner workings of ACT.
The idea
First things first, let’s begin with a little bit of theory. The foundational idea behind ACT is that trying to control, deny, or suppress difficult experiences or painful feelings takes us farther away from the life we want to live. When we notice a sensation, emotion, or thought that is unwanted, it’s natural to want to do everything in our power to control or evade it, though this often ends up being unhelpful, preventing us from understanding it or coping. So, ACT’s approach is all about observing these patterns, appreciating that they might come at a high cost for our well-being, searching for insight about our life goals, and then finding ways to move towards those goals. We learn how to do this without judgment, and without thinking “I should…, I have to…, People expect me to…”. As the founder of ACT, Steven C. Hayes says - Our lives are not a problem to be fixed.
If we’re not fixing, though, what does ACT have us do instead? As the name suggests, we start by accepting that how we respond emotionally or cognitively is appropriate to the situation we are in. Then we search for our values and commit to acting in a way that matches and embodies them. Easy to say, though to do, right? There are a few more elements to ACT, and looking into them in detail might make things a bit clearer:
The Building Blocks of ACT
Accepting our emotions and thoughts: Here’s the deal - we all have negative feelings or thoughts, and that’s okay! When something goes differently than the way we wanted it to, or someone acts not as we expected, we might feel angry, disappointed, frustrated…all of that is normal. It gives us valuable information about our experience of a situation and can help us become more self-aware. Stopping to observe our feelings with curiosity and kindness allows us to accept them, without running away or trying to forcefully change them. This is especially important for TCKs who often carry an unspoken and unresolved sense of grief that grows more intense with every move. The sense that we should be grateful and happy with the wonderful opportunities we have can make it feel as though we need to push any other emotions away, and it’s quite the opposite! Moving on without acceptance is very difficult, if not impossible.
Detaching ourselves from our thinking: While there is nothing wrong with experiencing negative thoughts or emotions, our brains sometimes dwell on them in a way that can negatively impact our well-being. ACT reminds us that thoughts and feelings are only temporary and we can learn how to respond, rather than react, to them, creating space for more helpful outcomes. For example, instead of thinking “I will forget my line in the school play”, and having the understandable reaction of fear and worry, we might make a habit of re-framing and noticing - “I am having a thought that I will forget my line in the school play”. This can feel much less scary since, after all, it’s only a thought! Other techniques to help with this distancing (or “defusion” as we call it in practice) can also be quite simple, such as saying the thought in a silly voice, singing it, or naming the automatic reaction we experienced out loud. The point is to recognize that thoughts are just, well, thoughts! An extension of this is acting as an observer, stepping back to simply watch what is happening in our internal world. Simply put, it’s thinking about our thinking, emotions, and sensations. It creates a separation between ourselves and our experiences, helping us have a more consistent and constant idea of who we are as people.
Being connected with the present: When we are living a mobile lifestyle, it is easy to lose this connection to the present, already thinking about an upcoming move or feeling stuck in reminiscing about a previous place we called “home”. A very important part of engaging with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is practicing awareness and mindfulness of our experiences, with curiosity, rather than judgment. This supports us in becoming more open to our internal world, but also to the environment around us, and may be important for learning how to guide our behavior to become more helpful and functional.
Exploring and understanding our values: We all have things that are very important to us - being a kind friend, a committed student, a creative artist. ACT translates these to values - kindness, friendship, commitment, creativity… Everyone’s set of values will be unique, as we can find meaning and joy in many very different things and prioritize differently. Often, we create a diverse patchwork of values based on the different places and cultures we have had a chance to live in and interact with. That happens quite often for TCKs! Realising what our values are creates a certain guideline in our lives that integrates our experiences and reflects who we are.
…and Committing to meaningful goals!: Once we figure out what we value, we can use this insight to formulate goals that we would like to work towards. We then gradually take steps to achieve them, even when it feels uncomfortable or scary, as this helps to bring us closer to the way we would like our lives to be. In difficult situations, we can then ask ourselves what response or reaction would feel in line with our personal values? What action would exemplify kindness or commitment? Considering these questions allows us to thoughtfully choose our behavior as opposed to acting out of avoidance or fear of the expectations of others.
What are the benefits?
As we all know, therapy is hard work, and progress might not come easily. So, why should you take a chance on ACT? Well, we know from both research and practice that the most important skill that can be gained is psychological flexibility. It helps us learn how to take a step back from the (intense) thoughts and emotions we are experiencing in a given moment, consider various perspectives, and thoughtfully make choices. If we are flexible, we can think and act with the long term in mind, skillfully adapt to new contexts, and find creative, productive ways of coping when we need to. At EKC, we believe that this is a very useful skill to have, especially for TCKs who, more than anyone else, will encounter many new and often challenging situations. So, in short, ACT supports us in being more flexible in our perceptions of the world, and that has a lot of benefits for our mental health - worth the effort, right?