The words we use in our daily life can carry a lot of power and meaning without us even realising it. Using inclusive language does mean avoiding gendered terms, like “ladies and gentlemen”, but it doesn’t stop there. Within the expat community, there are further factors to consider. For example, asking someone “Where did you grow up?”, rather than assuming where they are from based on their name, appearance, or accent, can leave more space for complex cultural identities.
How we speak to each other is important and it not only impacts people’s feelings and sense of being accepted, but can also influence how we think about and make sense of the world around us. Language guides our reasoning and the way we speak can influence the way we act, since our word choices reflect our personal and social values. Language can shape the way we think, but we are also able to shape language. By adjusting the way we speak, we have the power to create respectful welcoming environments that build relationships and promote understanding, belonging, and well-being.
What Makes Language Truly Inclusive?
Inclusive language is a communication style that aims to avoid bias, prejudice, and expressions that may contribute to people feeling excluded or discriminated against. Inclusive language places the individual at the center of communication by using person-centered language instead of reducing them to any one characteristic or trait. For example, when discussing people with mental health conditions it is important to be mindful of the words we use to describe them. Using the phrase “person with depression” rather than “depressed person" keeps the person and not the condition, at the center of the language and avoids defining them by only one aspect of their life. And this is just one example of how small changes in the way we communicate can promote respect and make our language more welcoming to wider audiences.
Truly inclusive language extends beyond knowing which are the “right words” to use or which ones to avoid. It requires adopting a curious stance towards people’s individual experiences, avoiding making assumptions about their identities - even when you may feel like you know a lot about them - and listening to how people choose to describe themselves.
It also needs to be highlighted that what one considers inclusive term another may not. What feels inclusive may differ across individuals, communities, cultures, and contexts and that’s why inclusive language reflects an ongoing willingness to listen, learn, and adapt, but - above all - to see the other person for who they truly are.
Being Inclusive Around Race, Ethnicity, and Cultural Identity
While there is no specific set of words that can be used in every situation, becoming more mindful of our everyday word choices can make our communication more welcoming and respectful across different contexts.
Specifically, when discussing race and ethnicity, or a complex cultural profile such as that of Third Culture Kids (TCKs), it is important to use language both inclusive and accurate. At the same time, we also need to be mindful that terms intended to be inclusive may sometimes have the opposite effect, unintentionally excluding people or overlooking important differences between their experiences. The term BIPOC (Black, Indigenous People of Color), for instance, may be intended to promote inclusion, but it may still overlook important differences between racial and ethnic groups. That’s why it’s also important to use the terminology that the group itself identifies with.
Inclusivity also means recognizing that cultural identity does not always fit neatly into a single category. For example, referring to the country a TCK currently lives in as their “host country” can unintentionally make assumptions about where they feel at home or where they belong; such wording can suggest that their current residence is impermanent or that they are a guest rather than a member of the community. Using the phrase “the country you currently live in” or simply referring to the country by name leaves space for a TCK to define what “home” means to them. Similarly, describing a TCK’s trip to their passport country as “going back home” may not really reflect how they think about it, especially when they may have never lived there at all. It is important to approach these conversations with kindness, curiosity, and awareness, while being willing to adjust our language in order to give people the space to share their own story and describe their identity on their own terms.
This curiosity can also extend to people’s cultures, customs, and holiday traditions. Being inclusive means being open to learning more about what is meaningful to other people, rather than assuming, for example, which holidays someone celebrates based solely on their nationality, or the country they currently live in. Using phrases like “What are your plans for the holidays?” or “What holidays or traditions are important to you?” can automatically create space for someone to share their own experience, as opposed to directly assuming that they celebrate Christmas or another locally dominant celebration.
When people do share traditions that are meaningful to them, small steps on our behalf can show them that these traditions are welcomed and valued too. This might mean remembering and actively acknowledging an important celebration, wishing someone well on that special day, or learning an appropriate greeting they have shared with us. These small gestures can make other people feel seen and more “at home” in an environment where their traditions may not be widely represented.
For TCKs in particular, holidays and traditions may reflect several cultures and places they have lived in throughout their lives. They may maintain a custom from their parents’ culture, adopt celebrations from countries they have lived in, combine some of them or create entirely new traditions of their own. Instead of deciding what someone’s cultural experience “should” look like we can give them the space to define and share what feels meaningful to them.
More broadly, asking for clarifications, when appropriate, noticing our own biases, and remaining open to cultural meaning as others define them can help us approach cultural differences with greater respect and understanding. This is what cultural humility really looks like: staying open to examine our own biases, genuinely listening to what another person is sharing, and remaining curious about their experience, rather than assuming we already understand their culture.
Being Inclusive Around Cultural Differences in Behaviour
Inclusivity can also extend to how we understand and respond to potential differences in the way people behave. Each culture holds its own set of rules about what may feel natural or expected during everyday interactions and across different contexts. Something that may seem natural or expected in one culture may have a very different meaning in another. For instance, maintaining eye contact may be associated with honesty or confidence in one culture, whereas in another it may feel uncomfortable or be considered a sign of disrespect in certain interactions.
In a similar way, physical contact can also differ across cultures. A hug, a handshake, or a kiss may be part of one culture’s way to communicate affection, closeness, or comfort towards another person. In contrast, people from different cultural backgrounds may be less familiar or less comfortable with greeting people in this way, especially when it comes to interactions with people of another gender. Being mindful of these differences in how people communicate comfort, respect, and connection can help us be more inclusive of other people and their cultures, instead of immediately interpreting these differences as someone being distant or unfriendly.
For TCKs, these differences can be particularly complex, since their own set of “rules” may be a mix of different cultures and environments they have lived in. Therefore, it is valuable to remain curious about what their behaviour and boundaries may be, rather than expecting them to fit neatly within one cultural framework.
Why Does Inclusive Language Matter?
Our freedom of expression doesn’t automatically mean freedom of consequences. Words can send intentional or unintentional messages, either of which may have a powerful impact. We can change the way we speak today, by adding kindness and empathy in the way that we see each other, in order to create more environments where everyone feels seen, safe, and supported.
When we are more aware of the way we speak to one another, we have the power to make our words more accurate and meaningful, expressing sensitivity and respect towards individual differences, as well as reflecting the needs of the diverse world in which we live. Through empathetic transformational language, we make a deliberate effort to grow alongside others, by respecting other people’s agency when it comes to self-identification, and giving them power over their own story, as opposed to further excluding individuals or groups of people based on certain characteristics.
Inclusive language is a powerful way to validate every person’s right to be part of our community regardless of ability, identity, background, or circumstance. When we use it thoughtfully, we effectively say “Welcome, you have every right to be here”.
It’s also important to remember that no one is perfect, and we are all on our own journeys of learning. But the good thing is that we can help each other along the way. Look up a word you are unsure about, ask a question, have a conversation with a friend, or tell your mom that a word she used may not be appropriate anymore. Words can hurt in ways that we may not understand and adjusting the way we speak or respecting someone’s identity requires very little from us, while potentially making a meaningful difference to someone else.
I guess the point is, we will all mess up at one point or another. The important thing is to acknowledge it, approach the moment as a learning opportunity, apologize when needed, and make a commitment to raise our awareness and do better.
Navigating a Change? EKC is Here to Help.
Expat Kids Club isn’t just for people who live abroad-–it’s for anyone who identifies as a current or former expat and needs support, anywhere in the world. We also offer video consults and appointments so our clients can build a stable, trusting relationship with their therapist, no matter where life takes them.
We specialize in helping people navigate new experiences and situations from the universal to the unique. Our mission is to help kids, teens, and families build resiliency, discover their identities and values, and form healthy coping strategies to manage the tough moments.
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