Dear EKC: My Kids are Stressed About the News

Dear EKC, 

Lately, I feel like the world is on fire and my kids can see it too. It’s just so much. Every time there’s a headline about a war, a protest, a crisis, crime rates, any and all of it, my 12-year-old asks, “are we safe?” My teenager has started having trouble sleeping. She’s spending hours scrolling through news videos. The other night I found her crying over footage from our home country, the States. 

We’ve lived in a bunch of places and my kids have friends all over the world. When something terrible happens, it’s not an abstract story. They’re scared for the people they know, the people they love. They’re worried about their old classmates. When we’ve talked about it, it’s like they feel ashamed of being from a country that’s suddenly in the spotlight. I get that, I do. I feel that way too sometimes. But they’re just so young. It feels like it’s too early for them to carry all of it. 

My eldest came home from school the other day and said she doesn’t even know how to talk about it at school. People say things about Americans and she knows they don’t mean it personally, but it still hurts. 

I don’t know what to do. I try to limit what they can see, I try to limit what they feel from me in terms of my own emotional stress from everything happening. But I also don’t want to lie or have them feel unprepared if it comes up in conversation. It’s such a hard balance. Sometimes I just say things like “let’s not worry about it right now,” but that’s not fair to them and when I’ve tried that they shut down. I want them to understand what’s going on but without getting overwhelmed, or feeling like they have to defend or apologize where we come from. 

How can I help them through their fears about the world without making it worse? How much should I tell them? I’m scared too, but I’m their mom. I deeply want to protect them but I know I have to prepare them at the same time. What do I do? 

Feeling Helpless

Dear Feeling, 

First, take a deep breath. You’re doing the best you can and you’re writing in on a topic we see in our sessions all the time. Your story and the fact that you’re reaching out is going to help our entire community. It’s so common, in fact, that our entire team is writing this answer together instead of only one member of it. The first thing we all agree on: your kids are so lucky to have you. 

It’s completely understandable to feel uncertain about how to help your children through something that feels too big, even for adults. So many expat and third-culture families are feeling it right now, exactly what you describe: that the world’s troubles are no longer distant. We’re hearing it more and more: conversations about identity and belonging have become heavier than they should be for kids. 

You’re right in that it’s important for your children to feel “in the know” enough to not feel lost when these topics come up. Kids often feel uncomfortable if everyone around them is talking about something they don’t understand. You can help by giving them simple, age-appropriate explanations of what’s happening. 

The goal is to be honest, but not overwhelming. Think of it a bit like sex ed: you tell the truth, but you meet them where they are. It’s not about sheltering them from every difficult topic, but to give them enough understanding that they don’t feel cornered or confused. 

Explain that people have different opinions and that sometimes, people will assume things about where they’re from—but that doesn’t mean they have to engage. It can be freeing for a child to know that it’s perfectly fine to say, “I don’t want to talk about politics.” It’s always okay to step back from an uncomfortable discussion. “I don’t want to talk about it” is a complete sentence. They do not owe anyone their time, opinions, or emotional and mental labor. 

It’s also important to remember that it’s okay to step back—for you, and for your kids. Not every child needs to keep up with every headline, especially if it’s emotionally heavy. You can ask gentle questions like, “Do you want to talk about what’s happening?” rather than assuming they should follow it. Some will want to engage more deeply; others will need space. Both are okay. 

When they do come to you with questions or emotions, start by giving them space as a default. Let them talk. Sometimes what they need most is to be heard, not reassured right away. You might say something like, “that sounds painful,” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.” If they feel defensive about their country, or ashamed as your daughter does, it can help to remind them that identity is layered. They can feel pride and sadness at the same time. They can love their home country and still wish it were different. Mixed feelings are normal and healthy. 

For some kids, especially teens, it can also help to talk to someone beyond your immediate family. Maybe an aunt, grandparent, or another trusted adult—maybe even someone who holds a slightly different perspective. Exposure to multiple voices can show them that disagreement doesn’t always mean conflict; it can mean understanding that the world is complex. It can open new pathways into conversation in your immediate family, too: whether they agree or disagree, and how to talk with people with different opinions. 

When it comes to media, watch or read the news together when possible. Choose thoughtful sources: ones that are factual but calm. Outlets like BBC, the Associated Press, or government news services tend to focus on clarity over shock value. Avoid sensationalized headlines or “breaking news” feeds that spike anxiety. There are also kid-friendly news platforms designed with care for younger audiences, which can make a big difference. In the Netherlands, kidsweek.nl offers an entire site of articles just for kids of varying age ranges and topics of interest. 

You can also introduce ways for your children to process the stress physically. Breathing together, taking walks, and practicing mindfulness can help them regulate their strong emotions. For example, Kate has noticed some of her clients feeling confused and even alienated by  critical comments from peers lately to do with their nationality. When this happens, Kate recommends finding ways to acknowledge and breathe through difficult feelings, like sadness and shame. She also reminds us that it’s ok to still celebrate the positives of our cultures. Acknowledging that feelings are valid and working through them is sometimes the most supportive thing, rather than trying to force them to go away. 

The last thing we want to remind you—and your kids—is that you’re not alone. TCKs often have a wider awareness of world events than their peers and that can feel really isolating. They notice the connections others might miss: “My friend’s city is on the news.” “That’s right by where we used to live.” It can help to point out that it’s okay to care deeply, but that there are people and resources to lean on.

The world can feel heavy, but your calm presence and honesty are already making a difference. You’re helping your children hold both awareness and perspective. By doing so you’re teaching something powerful: that empathy and understanding are not the same as helplessness. Even when the world feels uncertain, home can still be a safe place to land. 

Sending all our best thoughts your way, 

The EKC Team