Dear EKC: How Should I Prepare for Travel With My Neurodivergent Six-Year-Old?

Dear EKC, 

We’re planning a trip to see family in Canada this summer. It’ll be my son’s first time on a plane since he was a toddler. He’s six now, and he’s grown in so many ways, but travel is still really hard for all of us. He’s neurodivergent and gets overwhelmed when there’s too much going on or his routine changes—so, basically, everything that happens while traveling.

I really want this trip to be a positive experience for him. Last time we were in a hotel, it was miserable. He felt like the sheets were scratchy and we noticed a weird low humming sound from the fridge. Everything felt fragile, like we were always one noise away from a meltdown. I felt horrible. I tried so hard to stay calm but I could constantly feel this tension building in my own body too. It’s hard to see him having such a hard time, and I can’t imagine how much harder it is for him to feel it. 

I think once we get to his grandparents’ house, he’ll have a great time. They’re really close with him and he and his grandfather are best friends. It’s the “getting there” that’s stressing me out. I keep wondering how I can prepare without overwhelming him, and what I can do to take care of myself, too. 

We’ve come such a long way as a family in understanding what he needs and how to support him. I just really want this to go well, for both of us. 

-Already Overwhelmed

Dear Already, 

Thank you for your letter. I’m so glad you wrote in. What you’re describing is something we hear so often at EKC: a deep desire to make something meaningful also feel manageable. You know your son, you’re already tuned into what might be hard for him, and you’re planning ahead with care. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or apprehensive. 

Kids around your son’s age are right in the middle of learning how to manage change. For kids who are neurodivergent, that process often needs a little more scaffolding. Traveling is intense, there’s no two ways about it. You’re going to an unfamiliar place (though with a familiar destination), there are unpredictable sounds, there could be delays—it’s a lot to handle. The goal here isn’t to make every moment smooth, but to build in predictability and comfort wherever you can. 

Before you head out, think about how you can make the upcoming trip feel more familiar. Visuals can really help here. A picture schedule that walks through each step (from packing the suitcase to arriving at Grandma and Grandpas’) might work here. It could help your son see the trip as a series of small, known events instead of one big unknown. Walking through it together a couple of times can reduce a lot of that anticipatory worry. 

Social stories are another helpful tool. You can make a short picture book or a story that walks him through what to expect. For example, a sentence like, “The airport might be loud, but I can wear my headphones,” gives both a heads-up and a strategy. It’s not promising that it’ll all be easy, it’s about showing that it’s manageable and you have tools for the hard parts. 

If you have time before you leave, try a couple “practice runs.” A visit to the airport to watch the planes, or pretend play where you “go through security” with stuffed animals, could go a long way in building his comfort level. And for you, it’s a great way to get a sense of what works and what might need more support. 

As for packing, bring what brings comfort. Whether that’s noise-canceling headphones, a favorite pillow and snack, or a small toy with emotional weight, these items act as anchors. Having even just a few familiar things in an unfamiliar place can make a huge difference.

In a similar way, a before-bed or morning ritual can help your son feel steadier. Choose something he enjoys that you can keep up during the trip, like having a mug of cocoa or playing with some legos. Do these consistently every day so it builds a little routine he can depend on, no matter where you are (as long as you pack the necessaries). It’s especially great if he can choose what he’d like to do. Choices will help him feel like things are more in his control. 

Transitions, like going from the airport to the hotel or a break time to dinner, can be a hard one. I’d suggest using some “first/then” language to offer a clear structure. Try saying something like, “First, we check in at the hotel, then you can play your game.” This sets a simple expectation and gives your child something to look forward to. 

Also, allow extra time. That sounds obvious, but it’s worth emphasizing. When you build in breathing room, there’s less pressure. Less pressure often means fewer meltdowns. If he’s sensitive to crowds or noise, find quiet corners where you can. If there are none, that’s where the headphones come in. Stepping away to regroup, even for just a couple of minutes, can help your son to come back to center. 

Throughout all of this, remember: you’re allowed to look after yourself, too. In fact, it’s really important that you do. Traveling with a neurodivergent child asks a lot from parents. Some things might go sideways, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you’re doing it wrong. It’s okay to let go of the pressure to “get it right” and let yourself enjoy the unexpected moments of connection. Sometimes, the best memories aren’t the ones you’ve planned: they’re the ones where your child leads the way. 

If you’re traveling with a partner, trade off short breaks whenever you can. Even ten minutes to yourself with a cup of tea can make a big difference. If you’re traveling alone, find your pauses when your child is asleep or settled. Think about what should be in your comfort kit: your favorite podcast, your snacks, and a cozy sweater? You matter in this, too. 

And celebrate the wins, no matter how small! Getting through airport security without tears? That’s a win! Sleeping in a new bed, trying a new food? All wins! They’re signs that your son is growing, adapting, and finding his way in the world, with your help. What you’re doing takes effort. You deserve to be seen and appreciated, perhaps even most by yourself. Every so often, take a moment to reflect on what’s gone well, the reasons you feel proud of yourself. 

Both you and your son are doing your best, working together as a team to have a real connecting experience. It doesn’t need to be perfect to be good. It can have vulnerable, messy moments too, and that’s okay. You’re already doing great by asking the question, planning ahead, and loving him so very much. 

Wishing you all the best, 

Daphne Meerbeek

Ad Hoc EKC Psychologist