Packing Bags and Unpacking Feelings: Coping with Travel Anxiety
Summer’s the season for travel and it’s in full force! Last year 72% of Dutch residents went on vacation between June and August for an average of nine days per trip. And this kind of travel can bring up some big feelings.
Some people can’t wait for their next vacation: they count down the days and pack weeks in advance. Others start to panic the second a suitcase appears. At EKC, we often see kids who are scared to travel. Whether they’re afraid of planes, germs, or just not knowing what to expect, it can lead to serious travel stress before and during a trip.
When you’re in the middle of packing and coordinating and planning, it can be easy to try to “logic away” a child’s fears. “The plane isn’t going to crash.” “It’s not going to be too dirty.” But often, logic isn’t what they need most. They need understanding and a solid plan they can trust.
Let’s talk about where travel fears come from, and how to help your kid feel more in control.
Where the Worry Starts
When a child says they’re scared to travel, it helps to pause and ask a simple question: “what are you afraid of?” For some kids, it’s about flying. There are many reasons for a fear of flying, and all need a different approach. There’s a lot of uncertainty and factors they can’t control, like turbulence, or what it will feel like to be in the plane.
Other kids worry about things going wrong on the ground. Natural disasters, unfamiliar places, foods they won’t be able to eat, or insects they haven’t seen before top the list. They might also feel anxiety about germs: unfamiliar bathrooms, sticky handrails, and hotel rooms that might be dirty. If your child has a strong sense of caution around cleanliness, travel can feel full of unknowns and “unsafe” surfaces.
And sometimes the worry doesn’t have a single clear trigger. It’s just the uneasiness of trying to imagine a place they’ve never been, and not knowing how they’ll function there. Where will they sleep? Will there be time to relax? What if they don’t like the food, especially if they have picky eating habits?
These feelings are valid. And while it’s natural to want to reassure them right away, try not to jump to “There’s nothing to worry about.” That can leave your child feeling even more alone with their fear. Instead, start from a place of curiosity. Ask some gentle questions, like:
“What part of the trip feels the scariest to you?”
“Can you show me with your body what that fear feels like?”
“Is there anything that helps you feel better when that fear shows up?”
Validating their feelings and talking them through can be a helpful first step to preparing for a trip everyone can enjoy.
Adding “Known” to the Unknown
Fear often comes from not knowing what’s ahead. One of the most effective ways to help is by making the unfamiliar feel more familiar.
If you’re staying in a holiday home, try showing your child pictures of the house, the garden, the room they’ll sleep in. Look up photos of the local area, or even street view images. Help them picture themselves there. Brainstorm activities you can do while you’re at the house, and take their ideas into account as much as possible.
You can also invite them to play an active role in getting ready. Some kids feel better when they help pack their own bags. They can see what’s coming with them and make sure they’re not leaving anything important behind.
For added comfort, let them pick a small object from home to bring along. A teddy, a blanket, or a keepsake can act as a “connector” to their safe space. The book, The Invisible String, by Patrice Karst is a great way to introduce this idea to younger children. It’s all about feeling connected to loved ones no matter where you are.
Create Comfort From the Inside Out
Of course, you can’t always predict what’s going to happen on a trip. But one thing you can do is to help your child build a sense of internal calm they can carry anywhere they go.
A helpful strategy is teaching them to picture a “safe space” in their mind. This can be a quiet corner, a favorite forest, or even a made-up place that feels peaceful. When things feel overwhelming, they can go to this place in their imagination. The children’s book Charlotte and the Quiet Place by Deborah Sosin introduces this technique in a simple, relatable way. It’s a beautiful resource for teaching mindfulness techniques and self-soothing.
It can also be useful to build a “calm down bag” with tools, small toys, and other small items that can help your child feel grounded in the moment. Consider adding some earplugs, a fidget toy, some crayons and a drawing pad, a small plush, and a picture or two of loved ones or a beloved space. You can bring this bag with you throughout the trip so your child can reach for it when they need a little extra comfort.
Don’t Dismiss the Fear
This part’s so important: even if the fear doesn’t make sense to you, it’s very real to your child. Trying to explain why a fear doesn’t make sense rarely helps. In fact, it can make your child feel misunderstood or ashamed for being scared.
A good way to approach fears and phobias without encouraging them is to ask the question, “would someone without a fear of _____ do this?” If the answer is yes, then it’s a reasonable action and okay to plan and proceed. Otherwise, it’s a good time to step in with some help from a therapist to challenge the fear and behaviors surrounding it.
If you’re in the moment, instead of trying to erase the fear, meet it with empathy. “You’re worried about germs on the plane tray table? Let’s see what we can do. Want to use the wipes so you can clean it yourself?” “You’re afraid of the bugs at the campsite? I hear that. Let’s break out some bug spray and a flashlight.”
Sometimes, just having a plan makes the whole experience feel more manageable. This is especially true for expat kids. Traveling as an expat can come with extra layers. When you’re used to adapting to new environments, another big change (even if it’s temporary) can feel like just too much. Instead of pushing through and hoping the fear passes, slow things down and ask what they need or offer a hug.
Once you’re home, following up with a professional so that you can do a screening will help you and your child better understand the root causes of their fear. But in the moment, it’s okay to just make it through. Your love and concern will help your child feel safe in a scary situation. And it’s also okay if you don’t have all the answers. Your willingness to sit with them in their discomfort makes all the difference.
Big Travel Coming Up? EKC is Here to Help.
Expat Kids Club isn’t just for people who live abroad-–it’s for anyone who identifies as a current or former expat and needs support, anywhere in the world. We also offer video consults and appointments so our clients can build a stable, trusting relationship with their therapist, no matter where life takes them.
We specialize in helping people navigate new experiences and situations from the universal to the unique. Our mission is to help kids, teens, and families build resiliency, discover their identities and values, and form healthy coping strategies to manage the tough moments.
EKC recognizes the importance of treating the family as a unit, bringing everyone together. We work with an individual approach and a systemic mindset to determine the best through any challenge.
Schedule a call today to speak with one of our therapists and see how we can help your family thrive.