How Much Is Too Much? What To Tell Our Kids

Talking openly with your children is one of the most meaningful parts of parenting–and one of the most important ones too. It’s tied to everything from family relationships to academic success—with kids 81% more likely to graduate high school if parents are involved and communicative. But knowing how much to say and when can be a real challenge. 

At EKC, we often hear from parents who aren’t sure how to strike the right balance. They want to be honest and inclusive with their children, especially during big changes like a move, family illness, or a new job. And they’re also worried about causing unnecessary stress. 

If that sounds like you, you’re not alone. The truth is, there is a balance to strike—and it’s not about having all the answers. It’s about being thoughtful in how you share and paying close attention to what your child’s ready to discuss.

Let’s talk about what that looks like in practice.

Openness, Not Overwhelm

There’s so much value in letting your kids in on what’s happening. They’re part of the family and being “in the loop” can help them feel secure and respected. For example, if you’re considering a move, talking about it early on can help your child feel more prepared. If you’re talking about a loss in the family, being honest about it gives your child space to process their feelings. 

But there’s a flip side, too: kids are still learning how to process information. Their brains are growing, and they don’t yet have the same coping tools adults rely on. Too much information-–or info that’s vague or confusing—can cause more worry than comfort. 

Talking about money with kids is another example. It’s one thing to say, “We’re being more careful with money right now, so we’re not doing any big purchases.” It’s another to frame it as, “We’re not sure how we’re going to pay the bills.” One of these helps your child understand a change in daily life. The other might lead them to worry about things that aren’t their responsibility to carry.

Let Questions Lead

Here’s a helpful rule of thumb: start broad and wait for your child to take the conversation deeper. 

There are so many things that happen in life that are out of our control. It’s normal that some things are hard for adults to understand and come to terms with, too. Take, for example, a grandparent passing away. In this case, when starting to talk with your children, it can help to open with something simple: “Grandpa died last night. He was very sick, and his body stopped working.”

Some children will stop there, needing only the basics. Others might have more detailed questions. 

Instead of diving into explanations right away, pause. Take a breath. Let your child take the lead. What they want to know will tell you more about what they’re ready to hear. This approach works well for many kinds of conversations, from changes at school to moving updates. If your child isn’t asking more questions, it’s often a sign that they’ve heard enough for now.

Don’t Promise What You Can’t Predict

We all want to reassure our kids. It’s natural to want to tell them that everything will be okay, especially when things feel uncertain. But what do you do when your kid asks questions with no answer? Sometimes, the most comforting thing we can do is admit we don’t have all the answers yet—and focus on what is certain. 

If you know that there might be a move coming up, but plans aren’t finalized, it’s okay to wait before saying anything. Kids are especially sensitive to instability and too many “maybes” can create anxiety. 

When you do share changes, try to point out what’s staying the same. “We might be moving cities, but we’ll still be together as a family. We’re going to bring your favorite books, and of course the cat’s coming! He’s going to love it there too, it’s very sunny and you know he likes to nap in the sun.” 

Don’t minimize their feelings or concerns. Gentle validation and reassurance go a long way when things feel up in the air. Holding onto these constants can help your child feel grounded, even when other parts of life are in flux. 

Are You Sharing For Them—Or For You?

This is a hard one, but an important check-in: are you sharing because your child needs to know, or because you need to talk? 

There’s nothing wrong with needing support. Parenting can feel lonely, and stressful, especially during big transitions. But if you find yourself venting about your worries to your child, it’s time to take a breath and a break. Children don’t have the same emotional distance that adults do—and it’s not their role to comfort you. 

If you notice that you’re turning to your child in moments of stress, it might be worth talking with a friend, a partner, or a therapist instead. Parenting doesn’t come with a built-in support system and if yours is feeling shaky, that’s okay. Reaching out to safe adults can help lighten the load, so you don’t have to carry it alone—or unintentionally pass it on to your child. 

Big Topics Need Small Steps

Topics like war, politics, or world events can weigh heavily on kids—especially if they hear them being talked about frequently at home. Some children might be curious and want to understand what’s happening in the world. But for others, it might just be scary because they don’t yet have the tools to make sense of what they’re hearing. 

If you’re not sure if something’s “too big” to talk about, try thinking about how you’d explain in a sentence. Can you give your child a short, age-appropriate summary without going into too much detail? If not, it might be worth holding off—or simplifying your message even more. 

Here are a couple examples of how to start: 

• “There are some things happening in the world that a lot of adults are working hard to solve.”

• “Yes, there is a war far away. But we are safe here and grownups are working on it.” 

• “Sometimes grownups disagree about how to help others. But we always try to make the kindest choice in our family.”

It’s okay to keep it simple. You can always add more information if your child asks. 

You Don’t Have To Get It Perfect

These conversations aren’t easy, and no one expects you to get them exactly right every time. What matters most is that your children feel safe, supported, and heard. 

If you realize later that you said too much (or not enough), you can always go back and try again. “I’ve been thinking about what we talked about yesterday and I realized I might have shared too many details without really explaining. Let me know if anything I said felt confusing or made you worry.” This shows openness, care, and how to learn from experiences. 

The best guide, in the end, is your child. Pay attention to their cues and trust your ability to respond with love. You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough. 

Navigating a Change? EKC is Here to Help.

Expat Kids Club isn’t just for people who live abroad–it’s for anyone who identifies as a current or former expat and needs support, anywhere in the world. We also offer video consults and appointments so our clients can build a stable, trusting relationship with their therapist, no matter where life takes them.

We specialize in helping people navigate new experiences and situations from the universal to the unique. Our mission is to help kids, teens, and families build resiliency, discover their identities and values, and form healthy coping strategies to manage the tough moments. 

EKC recognizes the importance of treating the family as a unit, bringing everyone together. We work with an individual approach and a systemic mindset to determine the best through any challenge. 

Schedule a call today to speak with one of our therapists and see how we can help your family thrive.