Dear EKC: Why Do I Feel So Uncomfortable In My Body?

Dear EKC, 

I don’t know how to explain this without sounding shallow but I feel weird and bad about my body all the time. I feel like I’m constantly aware of how I look, like how I’m sitting and how my clothes fit. I’m worried about what people might be thinking when they see me. Sometimes I have these random mean thoughts about other people and what they look like, even though then I’m like–”where did that come from? I don’t actually think that.” 

It’s also that everyone on instagram and tiktok is beautiful in a way I feel like I can never be. I don’t know how it’s possible that they’re so fit and put together all the time. I know a lot of it’s edited or filtered but it still gets to me. Even people at school seem better at just, existing in their bodies than I am. They’re all about “body positivity” and I feel bad that I’m not always positive about my body. 

The thing is, I’ve lived in a couple different countries and every time we move, the idea of what’s “pretty” keeps changing. In Vietnam it was all about being super thin but in Germany it was more about being athletic. Now we’re in the Netherlands and everyone just seems tall and effortlessly gorgeous while eating fries all the time. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to look like anymore. I feel like I’m always getting it wrong. 

My mom always tells me it doesn’t matter and that I’m beautiful just as I am but it does matter and her telling me that makes me feel bad for dwelling. I avoid certain clothes and I feel like I’m always “the awkward one” in photos. I feel stressed about them and end up looking weird and not like myself because I’m so stiff. I wish I could just stop thinking about it all. 

What do I do to make this better and stop feeling so uncomfortable all the time? 

—Wanting Body Confidence

Dear Wanting,

Wow, your letter put those thoughts into words so honestly. You did a really good job and I’m glad you wrote in. It can often be hard to describe what you’re feeling when it comes to body image and you wrote about something so many teens experience. It’s especially true for TCKS, teens who have lived across different countries and cultures, even if they don’t always say it out loud. 

Something that immediately came to mind that might be helpful is that we need to start shifting the focus from the way bodies look to what bodies can do. That’s a huge part of it, and why we see clients with these exact struggles so often at EKC. Social media has made a lot of things about how bodies look (“is it a beautiful body to look at?”) and in all that, the sense of what the body can do has gotten lost. 

It’s like exercise: when exercising, it helps to remind ourselves that it’s not about looking a certain way; it’s about being able to do things. It’s about having the strength, energy, and capacity to move through life, especially as it becomes busier and more demanding. So the first step is about functionality: asking yourself, “what does my body help me do?” rather than “what does my body look like?” 

The second piece to this is social media. You said it yourself: even though you know the picture’s probably filtered or edited, our brains don’t always register that automatically. If we don’t take a really, consciously mindful approach and point it out to ourselves, it’s harder to fully remember that what we’re seeing isn’t real. 

So: when you’re scrolling, try actively reminding yourself: “this image is probably edited. It’s one version of reality but not the full picture.” It might help to even say it out loud. That small, conscious step can change how deeply those images affect you. 

There’s also a really important cultural layer in what you shared. Beauty ideals differ over time and across different cultures. For people who grow up between cultures, this can create mixed messages of what bodies are “supposed” to look like. One place values one thing, another values something else, and it can leave you feeling like you don’t quite match any of them. 

Understanding this can make those expectations feel less personal and fixed. Ask yourself: “where did this idea of beauty come from? Is it something I actually believe, or something I’ve absorbed from others?” 

Building a more positive body image and feeling comfortable in your skin isn’t necessarily about loving how you look every minute of the day. It’s often just about starting with quiet thoughts and neutrality. Just “being” in your body and accepting that that’s okay. Respecting your body: making choices that make you feel physically better and joyful: meals you love that fill you, exercises that make you feel strong and happy. 

Making tiny, mindful changes about how you think about your body add up to a big difference. Try noticing when your thoughts about your body become critical, and asking yourself why. Thank your body for specific things it allows you to do: let yourself be impressed! Over time, by doing a little bit every day, your relationship with your body will feel less tense and more supportive. You deserve this! 

It makes sense that this is a really tough topic. There are so many mixed signals in the world around you, but that doesn’t mean you’re “getting it wrong.” Awareness and practice will help you feel more at home in your body, not because it looks a certain way but because it’s yours. 

We’re rooting for you! 

Karolina Dąbrowska

Ad Hoc EKC Therapist