Dear EKC: We're Feeling the Back-to-School Jitters...
Dear EKC,
Oh boy, we’re packing up for another move. I don’t know where the time has gone; it feels like all the boxes just left the house and now they’re back. This one’s harder than the last couple. My husband has a job that requires us to uproot every couple of years but now the kids are at an age where they’re leaving behind good friends. As it’s the third country in five years, it feels like it’s only getting harder from here. On top of that, it means yet another new school.
Our kids are 9 and 12. They’re both outgoing, great kids. The youngest, our daughter, is chatty and full of questions and our older son is really into sports. It’s just hard for them when everything’s unfamiliar. It feels like watching them shrink.
Last year, my son begged every morning to not make him go to school because he didn’t know anyone yet. My daughter, who usually does great in group settings, came home after that first day saying everyone already had their best friends. To a nine year old, that feels like an insurmountable problem. I knew they’d find their rhythms, and they did, but those first few weeks were heartbreaking.
To be honest, they were hard on me too. I try to keep my own worries hidden from them but it’s hard to send your kids out into the world when you know they feel lost. I felt like I spent every day just checking my phone, half-expecting the school to call. In the afternoons, I was bracing myself for tears or frustration when they came home.
This time, we’re trying to make it go better from the start. We’re putting them in an international school with really great reviews. The kids are glad the language is English, our home language—that makes it easier in itself. We’ve talked with the admins and they seem friendly and welcoming. Still, I don’t want to just kind of cross my fingers and hope it all works out. Is there anything I can do before school starts to help set them up for a good year?
–Worried But Hopeful
Dear Hopeful,
Thank you so much for writing in with such a thoughtful question. We hear it a lot at EKC, especially around this time of year. It’s the most common time for TCKs to move, before school starts, and it can be hard for a lot of people. But it’s going to be okay: there are definitely ways to make the translation smoother before the first day hits.
The first thing we need to mention is that you’re very much not alone in this. There are people whose entire job it is to make these kids feel more at home. Counselors can be your inside connection. They can help identify accommodations if your son or daughter needs them and let teachers know to give a little extra support in those early weeks.
They’d also be the ones to talk to about student ambassador programs, where returning students are paired with new arrivals. If that’s an option, ask if your child can be introduced to their ambassador before the year starts. Even a short email exchange over the summer can go a long way toward making the first day a little easier.
The school might also be able to connect you with other families who have kids in the same grade, or who share a similar cultural background. It sounds like they’ve got the school language down, but it can be great to connect with other English speakers in the community too. There could even be social media groups for parents and kids who belong to the school: another great place to start building connections ahead of time.
Don’t forget their teachers! If you can, find out who your children’s main teachers will be and send a quick note of introduction. Their teachers might have welcome pages with info that will help your kids feel more like they have an idea of what their classroom might be like. The goal is to make the unfamiliar a little more familiar, one step at a time.
It sounds like your kids are really involved, social people. Checking out local clubs or lessons that match your kids’ hobbies is a good way to start building community and having something to look forward to. You mentioned that your son’s into sports—that’s always a classic! The school might even offer new clubs your kids haven’t thought about, but would enjoy: art, music, swimming, martial arts, robotics. Talk with them and see if anything sparks their interest.
You already know that they’re going to find their groove: it’s just that transitions take time. Even with all the preparation, the first couple of weeks might still feel bumpy. That’s not a sign that you (or the kids) are failing. It’s just part of the adjustment. The difference is that your children know they’re not going through it alone. They’ll have a web of little supports in place before the first day. You’ve already given them that gift by thinking ahead and reaching out.
Warmly,
Maayan Cohen
Therapist
Ad Hoc EKC Team Member