How do I know my child is stressed? Does the body send alarm signals?
When life moves at such a fast pace, it's easy to lose touch and notice how our inner world is responding. The body has its own way of speaking, often sending signals when we are stressed or are experiencing an emotional turmoil.
The same is true for children, especially TCKs! Have you ever wondered why your child frequently experiences headaches, stomachaches, or trouble sleeping, despite being otherwise physically healthy? These symptoms are not random–it can often be the body's way of communicating something deeper: a potential emotional challenge that is hard to express through words.
So.. What is stress?
Stress is a complex process that affects a lot of aspects of who we are: how we feel, what we think, how we behave, and so much more. While it’s often discussed in a negative context, stress can be quite useful! It serves as an internal alarm, warning us when there could be a potential danger. While in the past this could have been a bear, today it can be an upcoming deadline for a test or an upcoming move. Despite the source, the body shifts into a state of alert, redirecting our resources to prepare us to respond. That's why we might feel our heart racing, sweating, or heightened sensitivity to our surroundings.
So why does stress get such a bad reputation? Well, while stress can be quite adaptive, the problem lies when we chronically activate the stress system leading to what we call toxic stress. This type of stress keeps our brain in a prolonged state of alarm that can begin to interfere with daily functioning affecting both our physical and mental well being.
When this happens in children, it can interfere with neurodevelopment, learning capacity, and even influencing future health outcomes. When the brain is constantly focused on detecting and responding to perceived threats, fewer resources are available for growth, learning, and skill development. This can contribute to shorter attention spams and struggles with emotional regulation, such as becoming hypersensitive or hyposensitive to emotional events. It can even affect executive functioning and impulse control as the brain’s capacity to regulate these systems can become impaired.
What are possible stressors for (TCKS) children?
Children and adolescents are exposed to a variety of stressors as they try to navigate life, explore their environment and identity. Adding to this complexity, the TCK transition can be very impactful for children due to the unpredictability and novelty of the experience.
Moving to a new country can be very stressful for children. They can experience relocation grief from leaving people, pets, hobbies, and places behind. Questions about identity may also come up–many struggle with a sense of belonging or feel uncertain about who they are as they try to navigate through the different roles and expectations of the new culture. TCKs are often required to adapt to new cultural norms, values, and often a new language. All of these cumulative experiences can significantly increase the overall stress they carry, beyond childhood’s pre-existing challenges.
How do I know when my child is stressed?
What is truly fascinating is that our bodies are super smart–the body and the mind work together to act in our best interest. When life moves quickly, it’s easy to overlook our emotions and internal experiences –this is where our body steps in, to send us alarm signals that something may be wrong, even if we are not consciously aware of it. In the same way, stress can show up physically, even when we don’t recognize it as stress. This is especially common in children who may not be able to express what they’re feeling, or in cultures where physical symptoms receive more attention and understanding than emotional ones.
As a result, a child may be physically healthy, but still feel unwell because their body is expressing what they cannot yet put into words. These alarm signals can often look like:
Ffeeling sick or unwell all the time. This is known as the “sick syndrome” , and no, a child experiencing this is not just being the child may not be dramatic. These symptoms are very real: iIt can often mean that their body has depleted so many resources that they feel chronically tired, or get sick very often. Some specific symptoms are:
Frequent headaches or dizziness
Stomach problems: can be pain, bloating, nausea, and even vomiting
Chest pains or shortness of breath
Heart palpitations
Muscle aches and pain when moving
Disturbed sleep patterns
Cold or hot sweats
Highly irritable or inability to concentrate
What can we do about children’s stress?
Unfortunately, we can’t control all children’s environments or the possible stressors they may encounter. Major sources of stress in young children can come from various situations that feel unpredictable or outside of their control. What we can do is shape their experience at home; offering a supportive, attentive, and caring environment we can help meet their needs and act as a buffer against stress. Creating a stable home provides a sense of safety, consistency, and reassurance.
So the next time that your child seems unusually tired, complains of headaches, or struggles to keep up with conversations, it may help to pause and look a bit deeper. Has something changed recently? Is there anything new happening in their world? Are we looking past any thoughts or feelings?
Spend some time together to co-regulate, model some healthy ways of managing emotions and create a space for open conversations. When home feels safe and predictable, children are more likely to express themselves freely, and better able to navigate challenges.
If you ever feel like you need additional support, EKC is always here to help you. We offer many therapeutic avenues, including Functional Behavioural Analysis. This is a method to understand the roots of different behaviours and why they may appear. The goal is to collaboratively reflect on explicit connections between feelings, thoughts, and physical symptoms.
If you feel like your family could benefit from support on stress, schedule an intake today to speak with one of our therapists and see how we can help your family thrive.